Dear Catwoman,
I have always admired your mystique and persona. I hope you don’t take this in the wrong
way, but I am an aspiring female illusionist and I would be so honored if I could portray you. I know no one can top the original but I just need the blessing of the one and
only ;)
Any things I should keep in mind-specifics, and what kind of yoga do you favor?
All my best,
Tony
Dear Tony,
A female illusionist you say? What an intriguing development.
It’s just come to my attention that a good number of presenting theatres,
casinos and theatrical agents are suddenly finding themselves with
bookings to fill, having reconsidered the female illusionist who had
previously been slated to play these dates. I enclose a list of these
establishments and their contact agents. Do feel free to mention my name,
that’s Kyle K-y-l-e from Cat-Tales at the Hijinx, I’m sure they'll
remember me (I’m memorable), but if you'd have to jog their memories:
Gotham, the gal in the papers photographed with Bruce Wayne, Wayne
Enterprises, Wayne Tech, all that advertising, etc. You get the
idea. ;)
Now then, as to portraying me, what can I say: the world is your yarntoy. The key elements are a joyously feline sense of fun, in all aspects of life including, but not limited to, sex. That is, enjoy the fact that you're hot stuff and don’t be afraid to make the boys weep. They love it - and the women who get in a snit about that because they're too uptight to get that reaction themselves, they can lump it. You're a cat, and you don’t tone yourself down for anybody.
Don’t be shy of using the claws, literally or figuratively. You've got to be smart, witty, and wickedly fast in using both those skills to slice up any little mouse that presumes to challenge you. Again, you are a cat. If you understand that part, the rest comes naturally.
Oh, and never, ever, let them think they can tell you what to do. That’s for dogs.
I favor the yoga of Rodney Yee, a former dancer who has mainly studied in the Iyengar vein but in recent years relies strongly on his own practice and intuition to influence his teaching. I enclose a weblink if you wish to learn more and skim his videos.
Ciaomeow,as
we say in the real neighborhood,
Catwoman
(Editor’s note: Selina’s pointed remarks about mysterious new opportunities for female illusionists will be easily understood by anyone who has read of Zatanna’s fate in String Theory, Chapter 10.)